I originally wrote this as a message to someone and that is
why it is written in such an informal fashion. However I feel like it is
something that is good to express and get prayer over! Maybe help guide some
men out there searching for God! Or maybe help women with finding a Godly man
to enter into their life. I’m not sure why I feel so led to post such a
personal thing, but I do! So here ya go!
I haven't talked about this in so long with anyone.... I'm
meant to be someones husband, I know this, it's been a deep desire of my heart
forever..... Sometimes it hurts so much to think about all the girls I've taken
out on dates and talked to and been honest and open with, they always ditch me.
I've always felt so rejected because of that. Everything always goes so well
for a few months, and then they just stop... One thing that I've learned is
that fights are stupid and ppl say stuff they always regret and so if a fight
is about to start I leave or ask them to leave and then the next day I
apologize and act like nothing happened. Life is too short to get angry! I
always bring up the subject of whatever we were fighting about though, but I do
it in a civilized way and try to discuss it, not fight about it. They hate
that.. Why would you want to fight someone and then be upset with yourself for
saying something stupid that you know you will regret? It doesn't make sense to
me?! I don't crowd anyone either and I don't care what you do when you’re not
with me as long as you’re not with some other dude or whatever, you still have
YOUR own life and I have mine. But when I am with them I act and treat them
like they are the ONLY girl in the world! I love making a girl feel special!
Seeing that sweet little smirk that EVERY girl has! Each ones different and
each ones perfect in their own way! And each one will melt a man's heart! Those
little things, those little quirks are the most amazing little heart stoppers!
haha I love how amazingly complex a woman is! How amazing ya'll are is so
fabulous! I never regret the hours that I spend talking to a girl, they always
just blow my mind! The way you allow emotion to govern your lives rather than
logic like a man (not always, just tends too)! Many people call that a flaw, I
say it's a blessing in disguise! I love how emotional a woman can be! I know
that sounds weird! But that's what makes ya'll so awfully perfect! lol
I used to be so angry with God for not giving me someone.
For not allowing me to find a woman who will love me for me! Who I can love and
cherish and make her my queen! I'm no longer angry with God, But I am sad every
once in awhile when I think about it. I will never treat or say I will treat my
bride like a princess! A princess is under the rule of the king and is the
daughter of the king, she does get treated amazingly, I mean she is the
princess. I will always call and treat her as my Queen! A Queen is CHOSEN to
help rule! And is NOT under the King but rather his help to rule over his
kingdom! It takes a mighty and powerful woman for a man to look at and then
choose to take over and help him rule! When I look for a woman, I look for a
strong powerful woman who can easily take care of herself and her family just
like the proverbs 31 woman! A woman I know that will raise our children with
respect and honor! God forbid if anything ever happened to me after I get
married, but I want to know that my wife will be strong for my children! I want
to know that when she remarries that she will remarry a God fearing man, a man
who will take care of my family as if it was his own! I know that I'm not ready
for a wife or for a family right now and I've learned a lot of patience
recently concerning this and I'm happy with being single for the first time in
a long time. I know that my wait for my bride will be well worth it! I know she
will be the most spectacular person I've ever met and ever laid my eyes upon! I
know that while I'm sweeping her off her feet she will sweep me off mine as
well! You know I'm not looking forward to the physical aspect of my
relationship the most, it's the fact that I will daily be able to sit there and
pray with with my wife, that we will daily be able to worship our God together
in harmony, as one! That has always brought so much joy to my heart thinking
about it. Every girl that has come into my life as a romantic interest has
sorda steered me away from God. I would try to pray with them and they always
would be like "are you serious. Thats what you want to do right now? You
really want to read the Bible with me?" That should have always told me,
hey back off! This is NOT the one! Leave her alone! But I was yearning for that
relationship so bad I dismissed it, over looked it. I want to be so in love
with my wife and allow our love to push us into a higher knowledge of God! That
we are constantly pushing each other into a deeper relationship with God! Him
being the center and basis of our relationship! There's 2 things I can talk
about for hours... That's God (faith, Jesus, the Bible, etc.) and Women! haha
I’m sure you can’t tell though…
I'm sitting here, really searching myself and my life,
listening to Kari Jobe worship on Pandora radio and the presence of God is so
strong right now! My God is so awesome! I love how he meets me where I am! His
grace is so amazing! His forgiveness overwhelms me! His love for me, it's awe
inspiring! I have so many things that I have to work on. I may seem like a good
person but I'm really not.... There are things the Devil has just fought me
over so much over my life! Over and over again, I just became worn down! I lost
my fight! I lost my drive for the things of God. I let the Devil win on so many
levels... You know God has blessed me
with the ability to speak, not only speak but speak well when the time comes.
He has placed me in front of people numerous times, over and over again. I have
squandered the gifts God has given me! My name means "Strong man of God,
messenger of God, Mouthpiece, Exalted one, Strong or high mountain" That's
the meanings of my first and middle names. But I mean God has obviously called
me to something higher than what I'm currently doing! My parents know it, I
know it, some of my friends know it. I've had random people tell me I was going
somewhere with my life! I've had random people tell me that God has a powerful
calling on my life! And when I say random, I mean people in Wal-Mart random.
I've had people prophesy over me saying that I was going to be in front of
millions of people and that people would come to me for help, for guidance, for
wisdom! I mean, that scares me to death! I've been running for so long! I don't
want to screw up.... I don't want to fail.... I can't believe I wrote this
much... God help me please! Help me get out of this fear! Walk me through the
unforgiveness that is holding me back! Help me give everything to you! Help me
walk blindly, fully trusting you with my life! Teach me your ways and your
wisdom! Give me a longing a yearning for you! You are my God! You are my king
and I will forever serve you!
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