Sufferings don't have to be

Why is it when God tells us to do something we fight him on it??? I know God told me to do something 2yrs. ago and I didn't do it! I started off strong in it! But then stopped! Because of my disobedience I am suffering the consequences of those actions! If I would have obeyed him then and stayed strong, it would have caused much less heart ache and struggles! I would be in a completely different situation right now! I hope my mindset and my actions will change! I am truly trying to reevaluate my life! I don't want to live a mediocre life anymore! I'm sick and tired of settling for the second best of EVERYTHING!!! My life is SO much more important than that! God wants whats best for me! But sometimes we just can't see that! Or maybe it's just me?! I'm not sure???  I pray God will use the broken person that I am!!! I don't deserve or even need to be given a chance to serve God! I don't deserve or even need to be allowed to be a leader! But it's not about me!!! It's ALL about JESUS CHRIST!!! My savior! My King!!! My Brother! My FRIEND!!!! Because of him, because of the sacrifice he made, because he loves me, because I mean the world to HIM, that's why I am given a chance at life!!! Not just any life! But eternal life through him!!! There's not enough I can say about my God!!! There's not enough words to express how thankful I am to him for everything he's done for me!!! He is EVERYTHING I need!!!!!